‘Haunted Mansion’ Review: All Thrills, No Chills in Ghoulishly Generic Disney Update
Haunted Mansion
PG-13: Some thematic elements and scary action
Runtime: 2 Hours and 3 minutes
Production Companies: Rideback
Distributor: Disney
Director: Justin Simien
Writers: Katie Dippold
Cast: LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Dan Levy, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto
Release Date: July 28, 2023
In Theaters Only
This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the [series/movie/etc.] being covered here wouldn't exist.
Those foolish mortals at Disney decided to do an updated Haunted Mansion movie because nobody is trying to make another Pirates of the Caribbean in this climate. Plus, that Jungle Cruise movie from 2021 made them money. The studio already screwed up once with the Rob Minkoff (yes, RHOBH fans, Crystal's husband) version starring Eddie Murphy, and twenty years is a long enough gap to say: “If, at first, you don't succeed at turning a theme park attraction into a movie, try again.” Today, the keys to the Haunted Mansion’s ghastly gates are in the hands of director Justin Simien (Dear White People, Bad Hair) and iconic Babadook cosplayer Katie Dippold (The Heat, 2016’s Ghostbusters). The film they’ve summoned is… fine.
Single mother Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) and her 9-year-old son Travis (Chase W. Dillon) move into a mansion in New Orleans, only to find their newly acquired home haunted by spooky ghosts. To make sure she got her money's worth off Zillow, where she found the place, Gabbie assembles a crew of paranormal-related folks—a former paranormal investigator turned tour guide Ben (LaKeith Stanfield), priest Father Kent (Owen Wilson), psychic Harriet (Tiffany Haddish), and supernatural historian Bruce Davis (Danny DeVito)—to de-spirit the place. Together they try to uncover the Mansion's dark history, leading them to face the Hatbox Ghost (Jared Leto).
Suppose you've never been to Disneyland before, like me. The only frame of reference you have for anything Haunted Mansion-related is the 2003 movie or the corporate commercial television special Muppets Haunted Mansion. In that case, the easiest thing to do is see how 2023’s version compares to the rest. Akin to Dippold's last ghost-related screenplay, Haunted Mansion diverts from the star-led vehicle sensibility of the Murphy film and aims for an ensemble piece. Given its predominantly comedic cast, the film is funnier than the previous Haunted Mansion. With a cast including DeVito, Haddish, Wilson, Stanfield, and Dawson, who are naturally amusing talents, they keep the spirit alive by providing lively performances of Dippold's material. They bump up the entertainment value with their silly camaraderie and playing to their best comedic attributes. DeVito is as cranky and impulsive as Frank Reynolds, Haddish is as confident and sassy as every other character she's played, and Dawson is charming and naturally funny.
Positioned as the lead, Stanfield's Ben, a once astrophysicist who devised a device that would enable him to see the paranormal, is struggling through—get this—grief over his deceased wife. Upon entering this supernatural predicament and realizing that spirits and ghosts exist, the movie applies another “protagonist overcoming grief” arc. But unlike other stories of the same ilk, Stanfield takes Ben's pain seriously and sometimes translates it into his performance too well. In several scenes, Ben describes his pain and the effects of loss on him. His face turns into a puddle, selling you on his emotions. His conviction in contextualizing Ben's grief through moments like that or sharing a heart-to-heart with charming newcomer Dillon demonstrates just how good Stanfield is. For no reason, Stanfield decided to give a hell of a performance in a simple Disney movie based on a theme park attraction.
On the other hand, Owen Wilson is the film's funniest performer as Father Kent. Often stealing the show with his trademark laid-back energy and upbeat positivity, Kent is the only refreshing character. Despite the attire and name, Kent is the most exhausted priest out there whose prayers are even half-assed. Something about that trait is subversive to the “priest” role, making him even more hilarious.
Simien's direction offers some decent chills, mainly when he takes advantage of the setting's horror potential. Given this being the second time the filmmaker has done horror—oh God, let’s not talk about the first time—you can feel the classic horror inspiration in his filmmaking. Some shot composition includes Dutch angles, evoking fear like Raimi did in his Evil Dead films. There's also a point where he does the iconic chasing down the halls and running through different doors Scooby-Doo gag. Outside of his clear inspirations, several set pieces revolving around spirits (specifically the Hatbox ghost) messing with house residents by transforming corridors into mazes and death traps are fun. There’s an enchanting sequence involving a character trekking into the spirit realm. The house's purple-tinted and neon-infused lighting fills the air in this sequence. The movie got to me at that point because I also wondered, "Hm, maybe I should go to Disneyland."
I caught Walt Disney’s ghost on its way to the projectionist booth holding the film canister that said “Haunted Mansion straight-to-Disney+ reboot,” but nobody believed me. I knew where this was supposed to be. And it's not theaters.
Say what you will about Minkoff’s version, but upon a recent first-time watch, there was an effortful production quality. The gothic production design and special effects from Rick Baker gave it an identity. Plus, it ran for 86 minutes. Within the same year as its more successful counterpart, Curse of the Black Pearl, I’d argue it was an attempt to make “a movie.” This new Haunted Mansion is another example of modern fast-food blockbuster cinema that arrived at the worst time.
Where Dippold’s strengths are ensemble character writing and playing personalities off each other, her screenplay falls short of committing to a central arc. It's so focused on being a silly comedy that the writing is uneven when it returns to Ben's grief arc. In one scene, Ben shares how his deceased wife passed in detail while sobbing, and then Bruce chimes in with an inappropriate joke about her cholesterol. While breaking up an emotional scene with humor is always a gamble, it’s often crass in this film. Aside from tonal inconsistencies, many jokes rely on sitcom-level name-brand reference humor that garners cheap laughs. And no offense to Dippold, but knowing her body of work, this is the same quality.
At this point, I’ve become numb to describing how poor a film’s CGI quality is. In the wake of “Barbenheimer,” where the money and passion that went into those projects are reflected onscreen, it feels like whiplash to return to another blockbuster with a huge price tag that bears generic CGI and countless green-screened shots, especially in unnecessary areas. One prime example is Jamie Lee Curtis as Madame Leota, but her head is CG’ed when in crystal ball form. It’s as uncanny as Nic Cage’s CG face during that terrible The Flash alt-timeline sequence. It’s like watching money bleed dry onscreen when there are more competent, practical ways of making it look like Curtis was in a crystal ball.
I’m sorry, but CGI is nothing compared to artists like Rick Baker. Baker evoked a gothic identity that made you feel like you were at the mansion. The green-screened lifelessness surrounding performers at any moment, primarily in close-ups, is frustratingly hollow. You hardly get to bask in this mansion’s production design because everything looks generic.
Haunted Mansion’s talented ensemble and spooky set pieces appeal to Disney diehards. However, as a standalone family horror, it's as visually generic, overlong, and ghastly hollow as every other Disney blockbuster in recent memory.
