The Mummy Review

PG13: Violence, Action and Scary Images, and For Some Suggestive Content and Partial Nudity 

Universal Pictures, Perfect World Pictures

1 Hr and 47 Minutes

Cast: Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella, Annabelle Wallis, Jake Johnson, Courtney B. Vance, Russell Crowe

REVIEW: Over the course of cinematic history, we had crossover movies that had people hype long before the MCU was even a concept. Some of the best crossover films always came from monsters. We had Frankenstein Meets Wolfman, House of Dracula, Mad Monster Party, Alvin and the Chipmunks Meets Frankenstein, and now we have a full on crossover franchise bigger the MCU and DCEU, and it is called the Dark Universe. Yup, The Mummy is the start of Universal Pictures' Dark Universe where all the most popular monsters in cinema will come together and fight Galactus or something. Maybe start a hotel who knows? Now with 2017's The Mummy we finally have a film that starts off a universe in the worst way imaginable.

Though safely entombed in a crypt deep beneath the unforgiving desert, an ancient princess, whose destiny was unjustly taken from her, is awakened in our current day bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia, and terrors that defy human comprehension.

THE GOOD: I’m not going to lie, I dug the beginning of the movie where we learn Ahmanet’s backstory. It's a standard backstory of deception as we see she was an Egyptian princess who was heir to the throne until her mom gave birth to a boy who you know would become ruler due to law and tradition. You can predict what happens from there, but it is presented with logical detailing.

As a religious watcher of New Girl, its feels odd to see Jake Johnson who plays Nick on the show interact with Tom Cruise’s character in the film whose name is Nick. Shoot, I even asked Jake Johnson how it felt to do that (video after the review). With this Nick, you have this guy who is a fast talking hot shot or pretty much your standard Tom Cruise character. The movie plus him like Tony Stark without the brain or the money. All he has is the cocky opportunist mentality.

I like how Nick releases the Ahmanet from her curse where you see him get hallucination hot flashes of her human form with no heat being involved and how he gets cursed. It even establishes a fixed rule with Nick’s curse where whoever sets her free receives immortality. The rule is simple until it becomes unnecessarily complicated.

I love Sofia Boutella’s career so far where she is in uniquely amazing makeup and kicking ass in every film she appears in. You had her in makeup in Star Trek Beyond, and now you have her in great composition in this. This film had me curious on the face she disguises herself in next. One day her makeup will earn some movie an Oscar for Best Makeup (it was close this year with Star Trek Beyond), and I hope she does with this.

You know how stupid it was when in Suicide Squad when Enchantress made her army just by making out with them? Well, Ahmanet does the same with her army, but in this, its somewhat effective in the fact that when she sucks face with someone, Ahmanet’s mummified face becomes more human and her victims turn into mummified zombies. Their faces are clear and rather terrifying at times. You see some good creature designs, and you see there was a bit of effort in here.

THE BAD: I’m giving this movie way more positive compliments than I should. Despite all these positive points, let me assure you this film is one of the biggest cinematic disasters I’ve seen in a long time. While watching this, I felt like I was being cursed as I got hot flashes of shitty movies this reminded me of such as Suicide Squad and Transformers: Age of Extinction. Why do I mention these two movies? Well, like those films, The Mummy is another action blockbuster THAT HAS NO FUCKING STORY! This movie is just a compilation of action sequences that are neither fun to watch or make any sense.

What makes this movie entertaining, let alone watchable is because of the most obvious reason why you’re walking into the movie in the first place. It is not the action sequences or the characters because they’re isn't any. You're watching this because of one name: TOM CRUISE

Tom Cruise is still Tom Cruise whether you like him or not. He’s both charismatic and charming. When aren’t you going to have a Tom Cruise movie where he’s charming or charismatic?

THEY EVEN CUT OUT THE EPIC YELL YOU SAW IN THE TRAILER! You remember in the teaser trailer where Tom is hanging at the side of the plane, and this is happening? 

Yup, you don’t see that in the movie at all. 

As I said, the movie has a solid first act, but right after Nick’s plane crashes, the movie starts to follow suit and crash right with him.  

There are some nods to the old Mummy films, but then it pisses me off more because it makes me miss Brenden Fraser. Jesus Christ, is it weird to say that I miss Brenden Fraser? Though Tom Cruise can carry a movie with both charisma and charm, he lacks the chemistry that Brendan Fraser had with his crew. In this you don’t have a crew, you just have Annabelle Wallis whose there as a weak ass plot device.

There's no natural progression, build up, or even tension with the film especially when the third act comes in. All of a sudden in the movie, you see the obligatory destruction of a city, and that alone indicates the third act has arrived. No third act should be initiated with a huge set piece. By that point when you see the massive sandstorm and Tom Cruise running from it, you go, “Oh, I guess we’ve hit the third act now.” We already have a movie where Tom Cruise run through a sandstorm and its a great action film called Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. 

The action sequences are entertaining, but they’re questionably overblown. When you see Tom Cruise kick ass in other movies such as Mission Impossible or Jack Reacher, you immediately believe the logic behind it because his characters are guys whose occupation require fighting skills. When you see him attempt to kick ass in this, it is never established what this guy does. He’s a soldier who's also an explorer, and you’re just there confused for the entire time. You’re a soldier, how do you know karate?

Here’s an example of how poorly this movie uses tension. So the movie opens with Russell Crowe’s Dr. Jeckyll doing the narration of Ahmanet’s backstory, and you see his face as he narrates in voiceover. Then later on when he comes back, the movie tries to make him look like a hidden character. You see him in the shadows looking over his security computers like we don’t know that the person is Dr. Jeckyll. You showed him already in the film’s opening; there's no reason for him to be hidden when he comes back. Shit, when he comes back, that's when you give up on the movie. He’s bought in as the Nick Fury of the film halfway through and gives nothing but exposition to the universe and with every word of dialogue you can hear how forced this world is being set up. You see him turn from Jekyll to Hyde, but it's tremendously terrible how it plays out especially how Crowe plays it.

Here is his method right here:

Dr. Jekyll - Calm British Russell Crowe

Mr. Hyde - Drunk Australian Russell Crowe pretty much just Russell Crowe.

The only person I feel so sorry for starring in this is Sofia Boutella. She's incredibly underplayed in this. She’s just the antagonist whose motive you don’t even get. Every scene after that involves Ahmanet and Nick in a hot flash; the movie turns into a Chanel No. 5 commercial. 

The film’s plotting is way too overly complicated when it doesn't need to be. You question a lot of it because when certain decisions are made in between the second and third act, you are absent minded onto what the hell is going on.  We have Nick traveling with this girl named Jenny to break his curse. After Ahmanet curses him, she begins to pursue him. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE HAS A HUGE OBJECTIVE ONTO KILLING JENNY! The only reason she does this is so Nick can give into her and allow her to release the God of death if she kills him with some dagger and stone. 

The real issue with this movie is that the film tries to make this a character driven start on someone who is a one-dimensional character. Instead of adding character to this man they load him with cliches on top of cliches that you see in every superhero movie. On top of that, it tries way too hard to build a universe that from the get-go you don’t give a shit about. This movie has a massive hard on with creating this Dark Universe that after you see the Universal Pictures logo, it immediately transitions to the Dark Universe to show you that this is a thing now. The Mummy isn’t mediocre bad nor is it too bad it's entertaining bad. This movie is obnoxiously bad.

LAST STATEMENT: Devoid of character, fun, and a coherent story, to begin with, The Mummy 2017 is a poor start of a universe which idea is better off in a tomb.

Rating: 1.5/5 | 33%

Super Scene: Every moment Nick runs towards The Mummy and get bitch punched.