47 Meters Down Review
PG13: For Sequences of Intense Peril, Bloody Images, and Brief Strong Language
Entertainment Studios, The Fyzz Facility, Dragon Root, Flexibon Films, Lantica Pictures, Tea Shop & Film Company
1 Hr and 30 Minutes
Cast: Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, Chris J. Johnson, Yani Gellman, Santiago Segura, Matthew Modine
REVIEW: Once upon a time there was a film called In the Deep. This film was a low budget creature feature that was set for an August 2016 DVD release. The movie starred Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, and Matthew Modine. It had itself set for DVD shelves and digital VOD outlets until some ass hat movie studio named ENTERTAINMENT STUDIOS (yeah great name) decided to buy the rights from Dimension Films and release it to theaters a goddamn year after for my dumbass to sit through.
Two sisters vacationing in Mexico are trapped in a shark cage at the bottom of the ocean. With less than an hour of oxygen left and great white sharks circling nearby, they must fight to survive.
THE GOOD: When the girls are trapped underwater, the film is shot competently well. Some of the scenes underwater are intense especially when they are sinking towards the ocean floor. The sad thing about it is that every decision that led to that moment is stupid in character choice that you feel nothing for them when they are put into peril.
THE BAD: When an intentionally bad film is sent to DVD, I don't have to touch it. I purposefully don't watch straight to DVD films. Sometimes they find a home through home releases as some movies like Sharknado or Trick r' Treat become cult classics. But when you send that meant for DVD film to a damn theater, I will treat it like a movie that is sent to a damn theater because honestly THERE IS NO REASON WHY THIS FILM NEEDS TO BE IN A DAMN FUCKING THEATER!
While watching this, I questioned, “Why wasn’t this released on Syfy?” This film would’ve been perfect if it did go to VOD or Syfy. You can drink and have a fun time with your friends as people do with Sharknado. Why is Sharknado successful? Because it knew what it wasn't trying to be something it was not. It didn’t get so far up its ass to demand a theatrical release. It stayed on Syfy where it belonged. The only time when it went to theaters was when it was part of Fathom Events which is its own thing.
This movie has all the elements of a Syfy movie: c-list actors (even though Mandy Moore will always be A list in my eyes), a low budget with cheap effects that’ll make you cringe. But no this is so happy to be in the theater that the director decided to attach his name on top of the title card. Oh yeah, this isn’t 47 Meters Down, but Joanne Robert’s 47 Meters Down. Not lying, the opening title card proudly says Joanne Robert’s 47 Meters Down.
The film is centered on two sisters, Kate & Lisa who are on vacation in Mexico. One of the first things we learn about Lisa is that her boyfriend left her because he claims her to be “boring.”Okay, that right there establishes essential character, and I respect that. What happens in the next scene? Kate & Lisa begin partying with two random guys. Yup, a dumb decision that just diminishingly squanders the one scene of character. This isn't the only stupid decision that they do but the first of many to follow. The only reason these girls decide to go into open waters EVEN AFTER THEY ARE WARNED BY THE GUYS THEY JUST MET THAT ABOUT THE SHARKS, are for Instagram likes. Yup, stupid girls risking their lives over likes. This whole story happens because of these girls wanting likes in their pics. These girls have no idea how to scuba dive and are quick to go with these guys who (I will say for a billionth time) THEY JUST MET! Lisa says she was broken up with because of how much she’s boring? I’m surprised her boyfriend didn’t leave her because of how stupid she is.
In all honesty, you can never tell these sisters apart. Their voice and tone are so similar that when they are in their scuba masks and become trapped underwater; you can’t tell them apart. They both look and sound alike. They're so identical their roles could've been played by these two:
You don’t like these girls because they are stupid and bland. Because of their stupidity and blandness, they result to be one-dimensional characters. Because of them being one dimensional, you don’t care if these girls live or die.
The movie annoyingly shifts the on and off switch on Kate’s head. You see her as the let loose and party sister, but ever so often she gives a smart insight about water pressure and how some of the parts of the scuba suits (that she's never worn before) work. Then immediately after that, she does something dumb and impulsive.
Roberts was so quick to put his name on the title card but was slow to get all the shots he needed. This movie is added five only issue is that this is consistently missing shots to make a thriller film thrilling, is that you must show than tell. Don’t have a fucking character say “LOOK OUT FOR THE SHARK” then show the shark. You get shots focused on the girls and their reactions to things that they see but doesn't dare to show until 15 seconds after its mentioned. You barely get any POV shots of the important things either of the girls see.
This film is terrible and unintentionally funny through but it does ONE THING RIGHT; it does a presents a plot twist that makes sense. Halfway through the film, a future twist is foreshadowed, and when it comes, it works in the context of the situation. Granted it's played like this
But it works.
LAST STATEMENT: Though its last-second plot twist is the only saving grace it has, 47 Mete-OH I mean Joanne Robert’s 47 Meters Down is a cheap and poorly filmed shark flick that has no good reason to be seen in a theater. Seriously, Entertainment Studios screw you.
Rating: 1/5 | 28%
Super Scene: Lisa & Kate’s escape.
