Sherlock Gnomes Review

PG: Some rude and suggestive humor

Paramount Pictures, MGM, Rocket Pictures

1 Hr and 26 Minutes

Dir: Ben Zazove

Voice Cast: James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Johnny Depp, Chiwetel Ejiofor,Michael Caine, Maggie Smith, Stephen Merchant, Ozzy Osbourne, Mary J. Blige

INTRO: I remember seeing Gnomeo & Juliet back in 2011. It is one of those movie days that stuck with me. My dad picked me up from Saturday school and took me to the theater. My 12-year-old behind had three films to choose from that day: Big Momma’s Like Father Like Son, Gnomeo & Juliet, and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. I was in the safe zone.

7 years later, I’m now 20 years old and learning that Hollywood has made a sequel to Gnomeo & Juliet as if we give a shit. Your opportunity window closed around 2013 guys, but hey, I’m in this theater hoping to God the 12-year-old in me who loved Gnomeo & Juliet isn’t destroyed.

Garden gnomes, Gnomeo & Juliet, recruit renowned detective Sherlock Gnomes to investigate the mysterious disappearance of other garden ornaments.

THE GOOD

I have no idea when the returning voice cast had to record lines for this movie but, for this being a sequel seven years in the making, every character who was associated with the first kinda comes back energetic. Emily Blunt and James McAvoy give really decent performances as if they were just waiting for this sequel to get made. Whenever the film focuses on Gnomeo & Juliet and their relationship, the story works. We are so invested in their relationship that when it's threatened by the responsibility of their new home, it hurts to see them fight. There are pieces of a competent sequel that could've been its own sequel without the inclusion of a Sherlock character.

At times, the film has brief moments of clever storytelling where 2D animation is utilized for witty ideas. There’s a running gag of Sherlock’s thought processes where we go inside his mind to see the very self-absorbed Sherlock in black-and-white 2D style. They play in the same vein as when Jimmy Neutron does his brain blasts.

THE BAD

Gnomeo & Juliet was a grounded film that took Shakespeare’s work and gave it a clever twist. The film was a modernized update but didn’t attempt to be hip by using slangs that kids use that during that time. Director Kelly Asbury and his crew were able to retell the classic story in their own way. What I love about the animation regarding the predecessor was the movement of the gnomes. The style wasn’t Pixar quality, but it was distinctive enough to carry its own. Here, the animation is so slick and bright that it loses the nuance of the original. The animation being so much clearer actually makes it more bland. Most of the time the gnomes don’t even look like gnomes, but miniature people.

Besides gnomes, this movie introduces the world to creatures like gargoyles, ornaments, and dolls. The only type of being that looks like what they’re supposed to be are the dolls. The antagonist (Morietty) is supposed to be an ornament, but his design and movements are so bizarre that you can’t really decipher what he’s supposed to be.

I like the character design of Sherlock, but I hate his character. “Sherlock Gnomes” is the name of the movie and the title character is incredibly unlikable. He only cares about himself and has no regards for others at all. There is no charm to him. At least with other portrayals of Sherlock, there is a bit of wit and charm to their character. Robert Downey Jr, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Jonny Lee Miller’s versions of Sherlock are all great because, even though they are smartasses, they have some humanity and humor to them. Depp’s Sherlock is just a dick. I don’t give a shit if he’s a gnome or not, he is still supposed to be Sherlock Holmes no matter what.

What makes the character even worse is Depp’s voice performance. Depp’s work makes it feel like he’s sleepwalking through the movie. You can tell he only took the job for an easy check because he  only has one tone throughout the film. He speaks with such a deadpan monotone, like a Wes Anderson character, but then you think back to Rango, which was a great film, that benefited from Depp’s performance. With his voice, Depp was able to give Rango a colorful and expressive personality. Here, he doesn’t have much of a personality outside of being an obnoxious asshole. I’m not asking for him to go all Rango, but at least sound like you give some ounce of a fuck.

THE RENDY

To this day, I consider “Sherlock Gnomes” to have one of the cringiest trailers I’ve ever seen for a kids movie, yet NONE OF THE THINGS THAT MADE ME CRINGE IN THE TRAILER ARE PRESENT IN THE MOVIE!

This scene isn’t in the movie:

Or this:

And, most of all, this:

Why would Paramount waste their time constructing a terrible trailer when the terrible parts about it aren’t even in the film? You had the bits and pieces to make a decent trailer without hoodwinking people to expect a piece of shit sequel when, in actuality, it is just bland. At the end of the day, this movie just doesn’t need to exist. As I said earlier, the opportunity window for this sequel to be made closed years ago and what you deliver as your final product is nothing but pure laziness. None of the fun elements of the predecessor are here. Featherstone the flamingo  (voiced by Jim Cummings) is gone. Tybalt (voiced by Jason Statham) is nowhere to be found. Not even the Elton John musical numbers are present at all. When they do play John’s music, they do it in the most careless way possible.

The film just forcibly plays score versions of Elton John’s greatest hits, and the ones they do play are the same songs featured in the predecessor. Elton John isn’t a one hit wonder and has a large catalog of music, which means you shouldn’t just be reusing “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” and “Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting” multiple times.

As far as unnecessary animated sequels that don’t need to exist goes, Sherlock Gnomes is greater than Hoodwinked Too, but is not as decent as The Nut Job 2. None of the mentioned movies are relatively good, but at least Sherlock Gnomes didn’t make me want to embrace as much death as I thought I would. It’s just not worth recommending.

LAST STATEMENT

Though it has a positive message of respecting others, the sheer existence of Sherlock Gnomes is so baffling that the lazy execution doesn’t help this mystery’s case whatsoever.

Rating: 1.5/5 | 39%

Super Scene: Juliet has teatime with Irene