'Moana' Review: Just Drown Me
Disney's mismanagement of their iconic seafarer, Moana, is becoming increasingly frustrating. Lately they've been making her find her way on the big screen, but as a last-ditch effort to damage control related parties' arrogance.
Firstly, there's the 2022 sins of Dwayne Johnson's vanity project, Black Adam. When that bombed, the DCEU hierarchy did change indeed A few months later he announced that he and his Seven Bucks production company and Disney would be collaborating on a live-action feature Moana —and no, nobody else was going to play Maui. Are you foolish? Secondly, because Disney+ wasn't making the money they had hoped for, the concurrently animated Moana miniseries that had none of the original's creative team (besides writer Jared Bush) was Frankensteined at the 11th hour to be a lower-quality sequel—and no, there was no chance for it to be completely reworked or moved from the Thanksgiving '24 release date to match the quality of its predecessor.
Oh yeah, we're talking about the former that was released later, Moana ‘26, which, for being the first of the 2010s Disney animated features to get that live-action touch (unless you want to call out the Once Upon a Time Frozen-centric episodes), reeks of desperation across the board. No nostalgia can save it because who would be nostalgic for 2016 — remember, the original came out on the same month Trump was elected on his first term. Even though the Thomas Kail-directed feature doesn't actively update and taint the source material, it still fails to justify its existence. It's a 1:1 "oops! all medium shots" driven remake completely void of all the passion and artistry that the—not even a full decade old—Ron Clements and John Musker hit pertained.
Image copyright (©) Courtesy of Disney
MPA Rating: PG (for action/peril, some scary images, rude humor and brief thematic elements.)
Runtime: 1 Hour and 51 Minutes
Language: English
Production Companies: Walt Disney Pictures, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures, Seven Bucks Productions, Flynn Picture Company
Distributor: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Director: Thomas Kail
Screenwriters: Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller
Cast: Catherine Laga'aia, Dwayne Johnson, Rena Owen, John Tui, Frankie Adams, Jemaine Clement
U.S Release Date: July 10, 2026
... It's Moana. I've seen it; you've seen it. Your kids have seen it. And anyone who is a teen now—stop reading my site—went triple platinum on your iPad when you were a baby. Let's omit the synopsis since, in reality, I could just copy and paste the exact same description from my original review, along with the cast member's updated name, and be done.
Catherine Laga'aia is the only thing keeping Moana ‘26 afloat.
Catherine Laga’aia as Moana in Disney's MOANA. Photo courtesy of Disney. © 2026 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
For what it's worth, Catherine Laga'aia makes for a damn good Moana. Through, she embodies the heroine's determination, curiosity, and uncertainty. Oh my god, that girl also has a powerful set of pipes. Although her singing voice is undoubtedly similar to that of the original’s voice actress, Auliʻi Cravalho (I imagine a karaoke session with them would be electrifying), the manner in which Laga'aia carries that fierceness with a camera against her and delivers the powerful belts is truly admirable. Her spirited charisma occasionally elevates it, albeit everything orbiting her — from her unequipped director and unenthused scene partner — works against her. I can’t wholeheartedly say this is a strong breakthrough, but it’s enough to keep me interested to see how she is in other projects.
At the very best, Moana 26’ doesn’t make any new creative choices to dampen the material, but that’s like praising a dingy water fountain for not coming out brown in comparison to the Brita-filtered tap water you have at home.
Defrost, direct, repeat.
Emma Puahi-Shapazian as Moana in Disney's live-action MOANA. Photo courtesy of Disney. © 2025 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
I am convinced Disney has a stasis bay room full of theater-based filmmakers in cryosleep that they defrost exclusively for them to use for their live-action movies before they deplete their energy and freeze 'em up. Because they lost their Rob Marshall warranty, they got a new package in Hamilton’s Thomas Kail. However, you won't be able to tell because it looks so uniform to every Disney live-action remake/update in the past decade.
In his directorial feature debut, Kail is thrown to the deep end, drowning, on a blue-screen "The Volume" soundstage, as the energetic direction he brought to Lin Manuel Miranda stage productions is totally lost in translation. It's an embarrassing showcase that is poorly staged, lazily constructed, bears horrendous CGI that borders uncanny (kill CG Pua with fire!), and foreign to the definition of lighting, but who can blame him because it's the same type of ordeal applicable to [insert live-action flick here]. Hell, the artifice of the production in all its blue-screened glory is part of the worst it's ever been in these updates, as its shot selection is entirely composed of medium and close-ups, making it difficult to discern whether Moana and Maui are even operating on the same stage.
Kail's horrendous filmmaking might as well be a low-cost method of ensuring that the countless digital/VFX artists at ILM, Bot, Weta, and other houses have nothing to work with, despite this holding a 200-250 million price tag. When Moana on Motunui, it looks as drab as every update. When she's on sea, it's worse because the lighting during night scenes is so grounded that it's hard to see what’s happening or focus on anybody's performances.
Yes, all that also extends to the musical numbers, which never gets you out of your "We can just watch Moana at home" mindset. The only creative change with solid spirit, being Johnson’s “You’re Welcome”—because, of course, you have to make sure Mr. Producer’s one and only number has some sort of creativity. Regurgitate everything else but in lesser quality.
You’re welcome…for the bare minimum.
Dwayne Johnson as Maui in Disney's live-action MOANA. Photo courtesy of Disney. © 2026 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
It's shocking that despite this being Johnson's production, he is checked out as Maui. No iota of charisma or passion is poured into the self-absorbed shapeshifting demi-god charming beyond committing to wearing a 40-lb. prosthetic bodysuit that he described as being "hot as shit". He's phoning it in with each line delivered, coasting comfortably that the money will make itself without him having to put in effort. Poor Laga'aia is being left out to dry in real time, having to be up to the challenge of adding life to scenes with Johnson, who constantly drains it all.
I feel like I’m wasting time even writing this review off the dome. Considering that original scribe Jared Bush is hitting the Command+C+V combo alongside co-writer Dana Ledoux Miller with this, I should do the exact same with all the criticisms I’ve applied to every past Disney update. I’m too old and too exhausted from reiterating the same shit for the past near decade. Hell, I lifted quotes from three respective Disney live-action reviews within this. Try to find them; it gives you more brainwork than this movie does.
I’m not trying to tell you how to parent your kids, but save your money. Go to a beach. Play with actual water. Don’t subject your kids to this. It’s the cinematic equivalent of waterboarding your child. Perhaps do it because they’re going to learn a valuable lesson on preference. Kids are very smart and can detect pandering b.s right away, especially given a movie so accessible, statistically the most watched Disney-streamed movie of all time, they can recognize being pandered to. If they show any signs of disappointment, wanting to watch the original instead, congratulations, your kid has developed taste. You’re better off taking them to see something like Minions & Monsters over this because at least one tributes the joy of cinema than being a constant reminder that they’re only pawns of corporate greed. What can I say, except no thank you.
